Lust is powerful. To defeat lust, we must engage in all-out warfare, but we cannot rest in our own strength. We need to rely on God. Here’s how.
Lust.
It’s a force that can seem even stronger than gravity.
For thousands of years, mankind was unable to make it off the ground. The only way to “get air” was to jump. For a split second, as it turns out, you can defy gravity. You can channel all your energy into your legs and take a flying leap into the air.
But you’ll only come crashing back down again a fraction of a second later.
So it is with so many of us in our battles with lust.
Do you ever feel like that? You know that lust is wrong. Jesus preaches against it very strongly in Matthew, where He says,
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. (Matthew 5:27-31, ESV)
You know that lust is not to be tolerated. Yet there you go, again and again, unable to break free of the sin you so desperately wish to eliminate.
Like a person trying to jump to escape gravity, you find yourself constrained to this sin. You can resist for a few days, a couple weeks, but then it sends you crashing back down again.
And what’s worse?
You want so, so badly to be rid of this sin, and you make vows to yourself that you will never engage in it ever again. In those moments, you feel strong. You feel ready to take on an army.
You feel ready to run the marathon that it takes to escape into purity.
Four days later, the temptation of lust slips subtly into your mind. It weaves its way in. You say to yourself, “Not this time. I see what you’re doing.”
An hour later, you’ve caved.
Your very resolve – the thing preventing you from falling to temptation – was taken from you. It was as though, in the moment, you didn’t even want to say ‘no.’
I know the frustration. Like most other young men and many young women, I too struggle with lust and temptation.
And sometimes I fall.
But there’s good news: the Word of God offers us hope.
The Bible Tells us How to Defeat Lust
As you might expect, the Bible gives us the path forward to defeating lust. But unlike what many might tell you, there is no hard and fast solution.
There’s no special prayer you can say that will magically remove your lust.
There’s no specific action you can take that guarantees you won’t have temptation.
There is no silver bullet, one-size-fits-all approach to dealing with this sin.
Instead, the Word of God tells us to focus on two things: our hearts and our environment.
Before we delve into the meat of the issue, I first want to include a video by John Piper. If you’re not familiar with his ministry, you can click here for more.
I include this video because it’s full of wisdom and it contains a much more detailed, nuts-and-bolts approach to resisting sexual temptation than I will give in this post. John Piper is a much more learned man than I am, and his strategies for fighting lust are par excellence.
But I digress. Please watch the video – it’s a fantastic resource.
As for our discussion, let’s move forward by looking at how lust takes root in our hearts.
How to Defeat Lust: Look at Your Heart!
The very first thing to do in your journey to defeating lust is to look at your heart.
In James, we read the following:
Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. (James 1:13-15, ESV)
From this, three things become clear:
- God does NOT tempt us. No temptation you experience is God’s doing.
- Temptation arises when we are enticed by our OWN desires.
- Sin is a result of temptation, and death is a result of sin – so we need to be doing something about this.
In other words, temptation arises in our own hearts.
The lustful attraction you feel? It’s coming from within you. It isn’t because you’re being forced to lust. You’re not being forced to stare and then use your imagination.
That’s coming from your own self.
This is also why, in the heat of the moment, we often let down our guards. It’s why we can confidently proclaim our commitment to purity at 6 o’clock, fall to sin at 8 o’clock, and re-commit to purity at 9 o’clock.
If you struggle with lust, the first place to look is your heart. Not outside yourself, not to the billboards or the magazines or the TV.
Look to your heart. Look to your inner desires.
This is where lust begins. This is the root of lust.
When I was a child, I used to weed our front garden on a rather infrequent basis. We had a pathway that ran through this garden, and the path was lined with bricks.
In between the cracks of the bricks, dandelion plants would take root.
Now, if you’ve ever pulled up a dandelion, you’ll know that these things have roots that go about 12 inches deep. Some go deeper than that.
Oftentimes, you can try to weed out a dandelion only to have the plant snap off at the root. You’ve removed the visible weed, but the root is still beneath the soil.
And the plant WILL come back.
Lust is the same way. Scripture tells us that lust doesn’t come from outside. Outside factors can aggravate and contribute to lust, but the root of the issue is within our hearts.
Please note: this next section is IMPORTANT, but it’s also the less “applied” or “practical” side of this fight.
So How do We Fix This?
Colossians 3 has the answer. This will be a rather lengthy passage of Scripture, but it’s a beautiful portrait of what needs to be done to fight sin of all types, including lust.
If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all. (Colossians 3:1-11, ESV)
Immediately, you should focus in on the portion of this Scripture that says, “Put to death therefore whatever is earthly in you…”
Quite simply, we have a Scriptural command to put our fleshly deeds to death.
All of the things listed in that passage – sexual immorality (which almost always includes lust), impurity (which can also include lust), passion, evil desire, and covetousness – are things that take root in your fallen heart.
These are the weeds whose roots spring up within you.
To prevent them from coming back and reigning over your life, only look to the portion which says, “But now you must put them all away…. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.”
Therein lies the solution for our hearts: we need to put away the old self.
How so?
We humble ourselves before God.
The beginning of fighting any sin, especially lust, is to stop attempting to fight it in your own power. Yes, there is certainly a place for battle. There is a place for tearful, enormous resistance.
But this is done in the power of God. It is done after we wave the white flag of surrender to Him.
Notice the verbiage of the passage: put off the old self… put on the new self.
What is the new self? It is a self which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.
When you fall before God in humility and surrender, you begin to “put on the new self.” This new self is not only fresh; it is being renewed.
It is constantly being fed from God.
Imagine a road that is re-paved every day. Every time it experiences even the smallest crack, crumble, or pothole, it is paved over again. Imagine how smooth and fresh such a road would be.
This is how God wants us to be. This is how He is able to make us.
When dealing with our hearts, we must humble ourselves and come to Him in complete surrender. We must simply “put off” the old self and “put on” the new.
It’s important to note that you cannot resist sin by tapping into your own power. The best thing you’ll be able to do under your own strength is fight your sin, become prideful about having “beaten it,” and then fall back into the sin once your pride convinces you you’re in the clear.
In the battle against sin, humility is essential. Relying directly, moment by moment, second by second, on the transformative power of the Lord is the only way to beat the sinful roots of our hearts.
Now, if you’re like me, you’ll probably ask a question here: this is all fine and dandy, but HOW exactly do you do this stuff?
The answer? There’s no fast solution. There are no special phrases or keywords to say in your prayers. There is no solid “if this, then that” method.
Rather, this is a portrait of life as a Christian. Daily, active submission to Jesus is vital here. As people, we are so tempted to want to just “do something,” but Colossians reminds us that we should be aiming, first and foremost, to be something.
We need to be rooted in Christ. We need to allow ourselves to rest in Him. It’s difficult. It’s hard to do. But it’s worth it.
Submit to Jesus.
Let’s now switch gears and look at our environment.
How to Defeat Lust: Reduce Your Opportunity for Temptation, and Always be Prepared to Fight!
Of the two main segments of this post, this will be (by far) the most practical. This is where we get into the nitty-gritty of doing battle in the trenches.
This is where we talk about our environment.
Now, it’s worth noting that the strategies discussed here will not work unless you have your heart in alignment and submission to God. If you’re not doing these things under His power, you’re not going to succeed.
Okay, here we go!
Think of this entire fight against lust as a war. Each time you’re tempted, you’re in a battle. You lose the battle when you yield to your temptation. The more battles you lose, the harder it’s going to be to put this thing to death.
When you look at things broadly, there are two main ways to successfully fight lust: either succeed in resisting temptation, or don’t enter temptation at all!
This means that there are two sets of strategies when it comes to fighting this sin. There are what I call preventative strategies and there are what I call reactive strategies.
Preventative strategies are those designed to help you before temptation occurs, whereas reactive strategies are designed to help you after you’ve come into temptation.
Let’s look at preventative strategies first.
Preventative Strategies to Defeat Lust
They say that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. They also say that you lose 100% of the battles you don’t fight.
These things are not true when it comes to lust.
As far as it concerns temptation, it is ALWAYS better to not be tempted. You WIN 100% of the battles you don’t fight.
Indeed, the single most effective part of your active fight against lust is this: reduce your opportunities for temptation.
Here’s what that looks like:
1: Are you tempted by your phone? When it’s late and you crawl into bed to go to sleep, you may be tempted to use your phone for a while. What starts off with innocent intentions can quickly devolve into an opportunity for lust.
There you are, comfortable and tired, when a lustful thought sneaks its way into your mind. You are all alone and literally in the dark. What’s stopping you from opening an incognito tab and feeding your desire?
You know where this is going.
Here’s your preventative strategy: get rid of your phone or make it impossible for you to use it in those moments. Yes, that sounds radical. But Jesus was radical when He said, “If your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out. (Matt. 5:29)”
If your phone is causing you to stumble regularly, then get rid of it if at all possible. Buy a flip phone that does not have an internet browser. If you cannot get rid of your smartphone (you may need it for your job or school), then place it in another room when you go to bed.
I know people who have done that, and it helps immensely in their fight against this tough-to-beat sin.
2: Are you tempted by other technology? Your phone may not be the only (or main) source of your temptation. If you live alone or you have your own room, your computer can be a source of stumbling.
What’s stopping you from just walking over to it and downloading some less than pure content?
Think also about your TV. Do you like to watch shows that contain suggestive or outright pornographic content? Is that a risk for you?
If so, then you have two options: either remove the tempting technology or make it impossible to use for that purpose. There are various software programs you can download on computers that block pornography sites OR report your activity to trusted friends.
Here are a few:
Truple – this one works for phones, too. This is ‘accountability software’ that relays your phone usage history to a friend.
At the end of the day, cancelling your cable subscription or even giving up your Wi-Fi may be necessary. Yes, it sounds terribly inconvenient and downright legalistic. It may be a hassle for you. It may cost you comfort or even opportunity.
But we must be serious in our fight against lust.
Jesus minced no words in Matthew, and we should mince no actions when it comes to our sinful patterns.
3: Are you tempted by your surroundings? I have heard of many Christians who still attend parties or go to places where people are “dressed to impress.” These places oftentimes contain alcohol and drug use, which only increases the chance that something bad may happen.
These locations and events are stumbling blocks. Period.
It’s like trying to stay dry and then willingly going out into the middle of a soaking downpour with nothing more than a cheap old umbrella.
The fast solution? Don’t go to these places.
Does a restaurant make its claim to fame on having scantily-clad women as servers? Don’t go.
Does a party have lots of super attractive people who are looking for a ‘good time?’ Don’t go.
Do you go to the gym because there are shapely women or men there? I hate to say it, but don’t go. Focusing on physical health is great, but there are other ways to do it if your gym is a place that feeds your temptations.
All of this “avoidance” may sting (especially if you’re an extrovert), but you can find and build quality friendships and a great social life without having to do anything that may lead you to compromise.
Focus on surrounding yourself with solid friends who want the best for you.
4: Join an accountability group or find an accountability partner. Many churches have “accountability groups.”
These are small groups of men and women (almost always separated by gender) that are designed to help manage lustful temptation. They’re more common among men, but there are groups for women too.
The idea behind accountability groups is that each person in the group is accountable to others for their actions. If you fall to lust, you report it to the group. They then work to help you reduce your lust.
Accountability groups are excellent because they add a layer of weight to your actions. If you can lust without reporting it to anyone, then you start to feel as though you’re getting away without consequences. (You’re not).
But if you have a group that will ask you, “Have you fallen to lust? If so, when and how?” then you’re more likely to think twice before doing it.
Please note: it is IMPORTANT to find an accountability group that does not rely on fear or shame – they’re there to help you, not guilt you.
If the thought of going to a group scares you, or you know that you will hide your behavior from them, then you can seek a one-on-one accountability partner to help you. Accountability partners are trusted friends that help you to kick your lustful habit. In return, you help them with their struggles.
5: Pray and read the Bible. This is something that is not optional for any Christian, let alone the Christian trying to defeat lust. The more Scripture you read and the more time you spend in prayer with the Lord, the less you’ll be tempted.
There are verses all over the Bible that command us to dwell on the good things that God has done. Here are a few:
- Colossians 3:2 – “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” (We read this earlier)
- Hebrews 12:1-2 – “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
- Philippians 3:14 – “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
You see, Scripture makes it clear that there is a greater joy ahead of us: the joy of Jesus Christ. We have a prize to go after!
C.S. Lewis once said,
“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.“
C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory
Indeed, we need God’s Word and fellowship with Him to strengthen our desire for Him. The more we see who He is, the less “gravity” our old sins – including lust – will have over us.
Reactive Strategies to Defeat Lust
You’ve been diligent with your preventative lust-killing strategies. You’ve downloaded anti-porn software, you’ve found an accountability partner, you’re reading the Bible and praying, and you’re locking away your phone at night.
But remember… lust comes from within. Dealing with your external environment helps, but it’s not going to be 100% effective.
You will still experience temptation.
What do you do then?
You do one of two things: you either flee, or you fight.
1: Flee. What do I mean by flee?
We read this in 1 Corinthians 6:18, which says,
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
When faced with any sort of sexual temptation, Scripture’s clearest command is to flee. You see, the Bible talks much about warfare against evil, and how we are to stand firm and fight against Satan.
But when it comes to sexual immorality, it tells us to flee.
Sexual temptation is the one form of temptation that we quite literally cannot simply stand and resist. Every man – EVERY man (and EVERY woman) – has a breaking point against this sin.
So when temptation grabs ahold of you, run. That’s the first thing to do.
If you’re lying in bed and the desire to cave to lust enters your mind, immediately get up. It doesn’t matter if it’s 4 PM, midnight, 4 AM, or anytime in between. Get up and distract yourself. Text your trusted friend(s). Start doing something physically active, like cleaning the house or folding laundry. Put on some music or a podcast. Pray.
As John Piper says, you literally have 5 seconds to kill your sinful thought. 5 seconds.
Make the most of those first 5 seconds. Get moving, get busy, and literally run if you have to. Fleeing is your first line of defense against lust.
2: Fight. If you find yourself in the throes of temptation, you will have to try to fight it. This will NOT always work. You will fall, at least some – if not a large percent – of the time.
But fighting is better than simply giving in and not resisting.
When you are in the thick of battle, your first line of defense is to pray. Understandably, the fact that you’re in temptation may have removed or nearly removed your ability to pray in that moment.
But try it anyway.
God can work wonders, and Scripture says that it IS His will for us to abstain from sexual immorality (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8).
After praying, turn your thoughts to Jesus. This is talked about in much more detail in John Piper’s video, seen here:
The overall gist of this part of the strategy is to be fixed upon Jesus’s sacrifice in a very visible and vivid way.
Why was Jesus killed? Mutilated, tortured, murdered? Nailed to a cross?
He was put there by our sin; that is, your sin and mine.
When you’re in the midst of temptation, bring to mind the picture of Jesus on the cross. Bring to mind the picture of Him as He was flogged, whipped, beaten, and bloodied. Each blow was because of sin.
Our lust put Him there.
This may be a graphic image, but such an image may just be enough to snap you out of your lustfulness. It may be enough to prevent you from indulging further in your temptation.
When You Fail
I hate to say this, but it’s true: you will fail (more than likely). That’s why I’ve called this section, “When You Fail.”
If your lustful addiction has gone on for a long time, your brain has been re-wired to pursue this sin. Even for those who might not have a long and storied history of lusting, there is still the innate sinful nature of fallen flesh.
We are all fallen people.
If you’ve fallen to lust, the most important thing to do is to turn back to Christ.
Immediately.
It doesn’t matter what the nature of your sin was. It doesn’t matter if it was a mental fantasy or if it was acted out, either alone or with someone else.
Turn back to Christ.
You will feel a sense of shame and failure. You will feel guilt. You will feel like hiding your head from God. If you’re in bed, perhaps you will draw the covers over your head as though hiding from your Creator.
But the most important thing to do in that moment is to turn back to the Lord.
Come before Him in sincerity of heart and love. Pray to Him and ask His forgiveness. Repent of your sin – make a commitment to turn from this sin in the Lord’s power.
Closing Notes
To bring this (rather long) article to an end, let me just say that – if you struggle with lust as a Christian – you are most assuredly NOT alone.
There are millions of other men and women out there who are in the same boat. Remember, Scripture tells us that, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. (1 Corinthians 10:13)”
Yet this same verse also says,
God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
You see, the most powerful ally we have in this fight against lust is God. We often ask ourselves what God’s will is for our lives.
Who should we date/marry?
What job should I take?
What college ought I go to?
Which doctor should I choose?
What church do I attend?
At the end of the day, God gives us substantial liberty when it comes to choosing these things. There is often no right or wrong answer.
But when it comes to our sanctification, God’s will is absolutely clear. He sets it down in the Bible!
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God... (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, ESV)
We are told that the will of God is that we abstain from sexual immorality of all types. We’re told that His will is that each of us know how to control our bodies. We need to possess ourselves in holiness and in honor.
And what’s more? The Bible guarantees that, if we ask anything in accordance with His will, He will hear us (1 John 5:14).
Friend, you have an advocate with the Father, and His name is Jesus. Jesus came to die, and His death saves us from our sins. We do not need to go fooling around with sin any longer.
By getting into the Word of God and (1) focusing upon our hearts, then (2) focusing upon our environment, we can all be well on the way to defeating lust. It takes effort, and it is not easy.
But it is worth it.
May God bless you.